Losing It: Updates and Transparency

What's working:

1. Having an awesome doctor who is both motivating and intimidating and wonderful all at the same time.  My first check in was 2 months after the initial "you're unhealthy" diagnosis (and really the check in was to make sure a new medication was working ok - not a weigh in).  I only started the new lifestyle changes a month before the check up - and............I LOST 6 LBS! Some people may say....6 lbs. Big whoop.  Y'all, that is the size of a standard newborn human.  I lost the weight equivalent to a human.  A tiny human, but a human none the less. I now go in for check ups every 6 months for a med check - but that still gives me the motivation knowing she's going to be checking in on me.

2. Being active.

One of my best friends is also fairly buff and athletic and she passed along some "simple" (ha) exercises that I can do at home to help me tone up. I don't have to learn all this in front of strangers. I can't make excuses for not making it to the gym because it's in MY LIVING ROOM. We already had most of the basic equipment and have been slowly investing in adding to our home equipment as our budgeting allows.

I've also incorporated yoga into my days off from the weights/toning days.  A few friends suggested Yoga With Adrienne and I'm currently working through the 30 day challenge.  I'm terrible at yoga right now, but man, my pinched sciatic nerve is totally improving!

I am still signed up for a 5K in July, but 5K training has been halted while Mother Nature figures out what mood she's in - welcome to spring in Iowa. I'm not too concerned with my training schedule. It's a color run and I'm not expecting to win or set records.  Hopefully within the next couple weeks that can pick back up. 

3. My FitBit 

I had the super basic original FitBit and honestly, that would still be fine.  This thing was definitely an investment!  Why it was worth it - it is super motivating! Like, it literally tells you to move if you haven't for a while. I'm able to track my work outs on it. It tracks my heart rate so I know if my work out is actually working. Ben got my old FitBit so we now have an in house rivalry going on which is great. And I legit did need a watch.  If you're looking to get active, look into a fitness tracker (even if it's just an app on your phone). It's hard to ignore data that's telling you why you aren't losing weight! Also, I don't feel as though my thighs could start a fire any longer if I walk too much and that's REALLY motivating. 

4. Self Care

I started an actual skincare routine just to provide maintenance for my face. I'm pretty lucky with not a lot of break outs or wrinkles or skin problems, but I have noticed a change in the little bit of texture I had on my face and no more problems with redness.  When you look good you feel good! I also use face masks regularly as a chance to zone out and relax.  Sometimes I treat myself to a Lush bath bomb.  Having little rewards along the way really helps. 

A couple weeks ago I started coming down with a cold and when it hit IT HIT. I gave myself grace and let myself rest. I didn't hit my step goal for a week and not a single work out in sight. I knew if I pushed myself, I'd just get more sick. I'm a few days back into my normal routine and by golly I am down another pound. 2 more to go and I can say ciao to the 190s!

I drink  A LOT of water and I've officially given up pop unless we are out to eat or I'm in a migraine situation.  I've cut way back on sugar and I'm more diligent about getting a good night's sleep.  All of these things add up slowly to help me be healthier.

5. Trying new things. Making healthier choices.

Grocery shopping now feels like an adventure.  Instead of making a bee line to my old standards, I'm seeking out the healthier options or forgoing the super unhealthy things. I actually spend time in the produce section.  That's huge. I'm ok when I try something new and I end up hating it. 2 months ago I only ever ate carrots and potatoes as vegetables. I now also can tolerate kale and spinach in smoothies AND enjoy roasted sweet potatoes. That's more than double the vegetables I previously ate.

Win:

Fail:

6. Accountability. 

So many people have stepped up to show support and cheer me on. Others have decided to join in on their own get fit journey. Sharing tips and tricks. My already healthy homies are willing to give advice and answer my fitness noob questions.  I have people checking in with me all the time! I think most of my school is now accustomed to my incessant stepping all day long.  The kids don't even notice it anymore. Even better are the ones who check in on my step count or want to know how my active minutes are.  It's great.  Kids even try to challenge me on how many steps they have vs. mine (I dominate. Duh). I have people texting me and facebook messaging me.  It all adds up to one awesome tribe of people who feel like they're in this with me.

If you've shared support or encouraged me in the past couple months, thank you. In the most sincerest way, thank you. It truly takes a village. If you're struggling - just start with one change. Once that one sticks for a while, make another change. It isn't a race!

Lifestyle Change aka I'm not going to be chubby anymore

A little over a month ago, I had to find a new doctor because my old one retired (which I still am mad about).  I clicked with the new doctor almost immediately and she did some simple blood work just to see how things were going. Later that afternoon I got the phone call. My cholesterol and blood sugar was borderline not ok and I really needed to lose weight (OUCH). I am borderline obese.

What's funny is, it was the wake up call I needed to hear.  Brutal, but true.  Other people became indignant that my doctor would tell me I'm fat (um, if she doesn't tell me, who is supposed to?).  Guys, I clocked in at 199.5 lbs and I hadn't even eaten breakfast (that's not an easy number to type out...but accountability is real y'all).

I think we have become complacent with being overweight.  A little extra weight won't hurt, right? Well, my family has a wide history of heart problems and strokes.  So an extra 40 lbs? That could be life or death for me - and I'm not even being dramatic.

By nature, I'm kind of like a hibernating bear. I can be pretty active in the summer, but in the colder months I really really like my couch and a blanket and tv. And, the activity that I do in the summer isn't enough to combat the hibernation period.  My weight is a struggle year round. My metabolism and I parted ways years ago and now I'm pretty sure I gain just looking at food.  I know that when I exercise I start feeling better and looking better.  When I don't exercise, I get chubby and tired and blah.

Me at my skinniest point.  I don't dream of being 125 lbs. again, but I'd be
ok with 150! Also proof that my hair hadn't changed for a decade.

At my heaviest - over 200 lbs WOOF. I do NOT want
to be here again.

So, what to do about it...

I've quit pop. Unless I'm out to dinner or fighting a migraine, I don't need to stop and get a fountain drink on an almost daily basis.  I have a feeling the reason my blood sugar is borderline is strongly linked to 32 ounces of Dr. Pepper on the regular. If I don't stop for pop then I'm also not grabbing a donut which is really hard to say no to.  Our cookie jar has also remained empty for the better part of the past 2 months AND no more Moon Pies in my lunch box.

Also - PORTION. CONTROL.  This one is really hard for me.  I LOVE FOOD. Particularly food that isn't great for me. I now make meals that don't include bacon and/or cheese.  Also, the less sugar you eat, the less sweet tooth cravings you have. Weird.  Today I shopped the perimeter in our local grocery store and it's miraculous all the stuff you buy simply because you see it and it sounds good.  If you don't walk past it, you don't have the opportunity to buy it.  Therefor you don't end up eating it.

I hate fruits and vegetables.  It's a texture thing.  So, throw them into a blender and that solves most of the problems.  I don't really like yogurt either, but in a smoothie I can choke it down.  I basically swallow it like a pill, but it's a start.  You can hide a lot of really healthy things in a blender!

Exercise.  I really hate it. I recently went on a hunt for all the parts of my FitBit and let's just say it lets you know just how lazy you can be. There are so many opportunities during my day to be up and moving around, but I would choose to just sit.  Now it's almost a compulsion to be up and moving because the FitBit is going to let me know just how lazy I've been if I don't. My goal isn't even completely tied to having a super high step count (although that is really motivating) - I'm in it for the active minutes. 10,000 steps at a snails pace is good, but 6,000 steps with 2 hours of active minutes is so much better.

Accountability.  I have several co-workers who check in with me throughout the day to see where my count is at.  I haven't asked them to do this, but it has helped immensely.  Knowing that someone is going to ask me makes me push through the tired feet and the I just don't want to do it.  Also, having a supportive partner at home has made a world of difference. Ben is encouraging and accepting and it's wonderful. I want to be able to run a 5k by the time school starts next fall so I've enlisted him as a couch.  He can literally run circles around me because I'm so slow, but he knows I also don't like to do it alone so he patiently times out our walk/run sessions and cheers me along even though he knows I hate it and am barely above mall walk speed when I run right now.  I used to be a runner so I know it gets better over time, I'm just so far out of shape I'm in the period where it really sucks (like, who knew back fat could jiggle SO MUCH when jogging - gross.)

Confidence. My confidence isn't completely tied to my weight, but it is definitely intertwined.  Comments about my weight hurt A LOT.  But, no one can do anything about it besides myself.  I have to put in the work.  I have to want to be healthier.

How YOU can help - (this goes for all friends you know who are struggling with weight)

It's not a diet.  It's making positive lifestyle changes. It doesn't have a trendy name or a specific program that I'm following, other than I'm cutting back on the crap and adding in a lot more good.

Please don't offer me or tempt me with desserts and sweets. It's really hard to say no.  Really really hard. (Unless it's your birthday because birthday cake is always worth it!)

When I eat out with you and I take half home, please don't make me feel like I haven't eaten enough.  I promise. I have.

This is going to sound really self centered, but it makes us in the battle of weight loss feel really really good - compliment us if you take notice (but make sure it's genuine and not just a fluff comment).  We are working so very hard and there are days where it seems like we'll never make progress. We are hardest on ourselves. So, if someone else is noticing it keeps us going.

Ask me to go on a walk.  Eventually it may even be to go on a jog!

If you want to hang out, let's do something active together!  I love Gray's Lake and Greenwood Park and discovering new trails.  If my social life isn't always about eating out, it makes this a lot easier.

I will still celebrate birthdays and indulge on special occasions.  I am always up for coffee.  I love to talk and listen. Life is more than food and I'm trying really hard to remember that.

If you know good tricks to incorporating healthy stuff into food, please share.  But, if you ask me to eat a banana I will just stare at you.  We're not there yet, ok?

HOLD US ACCOUNTABLE. In a loving, yet firm way. You see me grabbing an un-needed pop? Call me out. You notice my FitBit stats are looking a little low, ask me what's up.

I know none of this is rocket science.  This is all stuff most healthy, functioning adults understand already. I'm just a little late to the party!

Dear Doris,

I only had you for 6 years. My dear Aunt Mickey.

My 6th birthday was my most magical.  Not because I went to Disney World.  Because I got almost 2 weeks straight with you.  To create and be silly.  Those are the two most important lessons you taught me.  And to love with my whole heart unabashedly.

You'd listen to Peter plonk away at the piano over the phone.  You even let him hold a concert in the community center.  You let me make paper hats out of brochures and made me feel like they were from the finest milliner in Paris. You patiently strung beads with me and created epic play-do villages for us.

You trapped us in the fart sack.  Oh how we giggled and laughed and begged for more! Your laugh. I think we played along just to hear it.  You could have asked us to jump off a bridge and we probably would have because we loved you so.  Instead, you threw us in the pool fully clothed.

You taught me how to catch lizards.

I remember your voice.  Clear as a bell. Sometimes I hear it when Helen or Lois talk, but just not quite so. Every time you called us felt like an event and we would compete over who got more phone time with you.

Stories about you are my favorite.

You spoiled me that birthday - 6 years old felt like such a big deal. You bought me my first ginormous pack of crayons.  You helped me line them up by color over and over again.  My ballerina bear - oh how I treasured her! With satin slippers and a floral crown. You knew just how to make us feel so important.

The place mats we made - pouring over all the cards you had collected and deciding how to trim each one into the best circle. Then trimming them with the pinking shears. I'd never known scissors could be so heavy!

You were larger than life.

You saved me.  I jumped in the pool and my floaties came off.  You weren't supposed to get in the pool because you'd had surgery and the doctor told you not to. There weren't any other adults there, mom was just far enough away.  I remember dropping to the bottom of the pool and feeling panicked because I hadn't mastered swimming yet. I looked up as I sank down and it was getting dusky and I was so scared. Then you were there, fully dressed, pulling me up.  I remember thinking about this months later, when I learned you had died.  I thought maybe jumping in the pool when the doctor told you not to had been why you'd died. I told this to someone and they quickly reassured me this wasn't right, but I still worried.  You left a really big hole.

I'm so glad we have old family videos that you are a part of. So so glad.

The summer after you passed away, I was playing outside and all of a sudden I could smell you. I was so sure you were playing a trick on me and I ran into the backyard to try to find you. I knew you couldn't possibly be there, but I so hoped by some magic that you were.  It happened again when I was in college.  I think you just knew that I needed to know you were still there looking out for me.  Still playing your tricks!

I remember sitting around the dining room table after Aunt Mary moved up to Iowa and we were going through all her old pictures. That was the first time I learned that your name was Doris.  I was gobsmacked.  You were a Mickey through and through, yet here was the proof that you were actually a Doris. It felt kind of neat to still get to learn more about you so long after you'd gone.

Aunt Mickey, you were pure magic. I strive to embody your spirit in everything I do. Grams tells me I'm a lot like you and it's the best compliment I could ever receive. I think of you often. I sometimes still get a little bummed out that I got you for only a short while. I like to think you made the most of the time we did have.  You were my first kindred spirit. You showed me that there are people in this world who would "get me" in all my artsy fartsy weirdness. You are still a huge part of my creative motivation - to push myself to try new things just to see if I can.  Because you always made it seem we could do anything we wanted to if we just tried.

You are still my most favorite human being of all time.

I miss you.  But, I know you watch over this crazy family of yours.  Your spunkiness lives on! I'm honored to know you were a part of my family.

(she's on the far left - hamming it up per usual)

So You Are Over Listening to the News!

Maybe the news and Facebook have you feeling a little bit overdrawn and underwhelmed. Well, I implore you to give podcasts a try! If you have an Apple product, you can download the podcast app for free. If you have any other kind of phone, I'm sure you can search podcast and some apps will pop up.  While I understand a great many of you know what a podcast is and already listen to them, I know there are some of y'all out there who don't really know what they are.  Well, they're a broad range of things, but the simplest way to think about it is a radio show that you get to pick when you listen to it. You simply subscribe to the podcast and it will automatically download new episodes OR you can individually download episodes from their archives.

Pro-tip - download them while on wifi so you then have access to them without sucking up your data. You can find a podcast about just about any interest you could have which makes it really fun to discover new ones that you love! I listen to them while I'm getting ready in the morning, going on a walk by myself, or driving in the car. When I had a desk job where I stared at a computer all day, I basically listened to podcasts all day.

Here are a few of my favorites to potentially get you started and feel free to report back with your current favorites or new ones you discover.

The one that started it all - This American Life

I had a psych professor that would assign episodes of TAL as homework and once it made its way to being a podcast I jumped right on it. Each week they have a theme and tell one or more stories that are based around that theme.  Storytelling at its finest. They can make you care about the weirdest of things, but in a good way.

Serial 

There are two seasons of Serial so far and if I'm being honest, season two didn't really do a whole lot for me. But, season one? Holy cow. Binge listen.  Now. You will never care more about cell phone records and their validity as you will after listening.  You'll also walk away with the knowledge of what a trunk pop in and a weird desire to visit Leakin Park.

Stuff You Should Know

Chuck and Josh pick a topic and then you learn all about it.  I love scouring their archives to learn about super random topics (like tupperware or mosquitos).  If anyone has ever wondered how I have so many weird facts stored up, it's partially due to this podcast.  They can make the most mundane things ridiculously fascinating. 

Stuff You Missed in History Class

In a similar vein as Stuff You Should Know, this podcast is similar in that it takes a singular topic and then you learn about it, this one of course all being in a historical context.  I highly recommend looking through the archives for topics you are interested in.  Their Laura Ingalls Wilder episode is top notch.

Casefile

I'm going to be super honest here - this one isn't for the faint of heart.  And, I can only listen in broad daylight, preferably not when I'm home alone.  It's super creepy in that it covers murder mysteries from all over the world from all different time periods. But, it's also really well done and very fascinating. 

Young House Love Has a Podcast

I was really sad when John and Sherry stepped away from their blog so imagine my excitement when they started blogging again (although, not as frequently) and then went on to announce their podcast! It's like a verbalized version of their blog which, to me, is pretty fun. Lots of good DIY tips and tricks. 

City Church 

I love Judah Smith's books and I love having discovered his sermons in podcast form. I highly recommend the Church Like Home series. If you are having a travel day on a Sunday or are under the weather, but you still want some church time, I recommend checking for podcast sermons! 

Hamilton the Podcast 

Warning - there are some swears in this one.  But, if you've listened to the Hamilton soundtrack, then it isn't any more offensive than you would find the music. This podcast probably really shows how nerdy I can get. Each episode dissects a song from the soundtrack and then breaks down the actual musical components as well as the actual history that is covered in the song. If you're obsessed with Hamilton and a music nerd, you may enjoy this one. 

Honorable mentions: The Moth, Wait Wait Don't Tell me, and RadioLab 

The Wait and See

These are some of my least favorite words.

I am an impatient person (most of the time). Waiting can be really hard.

Yet, so much of our lives are spent waiting.

In grocery lines.

On hold with customer service.

Red lights.

Waiting for a package to arrive in the mail.

These seem so inconsequential in comparison to someone waiting to hear back from their dream college that they just applied to.

Or for medical test results.

Waiting for a baby to be born.

To find the love of your life.

For contact from a loved one after a natural disaster.

I was blessed in this life to have two wonderful grandpas. One passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack and the other suffered from dementia for 15 years. While neither death was easy, the grandpa who had dementia? There was a lot of wait and see and it was hard. To wait and see how this disease would affect him over the course of a decade and a half is not something I wish for anyone else to go through.

When I was going through divorce, there was a 90 day wait and see period. I took it that this was the time that God would use to work a miracle.  I wasn't sure if that was him saving my marriage or him helping me move on, but it was definitely a hard time of waiting and seeing. It was during this period of my life that I learned the power of the wait and see.

There is a lot of prayer in these periods.  God uses these times to change our hearts.  To train us to turn to Him through it all. To find joy even in uncertainty. One of my favorite verses (and also one of my favorite songs from Lauren Daigle) is Isaiah 40:31

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

He hasn't abandoned you in the wait and see.  He is building your strength.  He is preparing you for something great.  Something you may not even be able to fathom. He is preparing you for whatever comes next.

If you are stuck in the wait and see, remember...

Resolution: Operation Read More Books

I'm not huge on New Year's resolutions. This is more like a lifelong challenge. I used to be a reader. A book a week was not surprising.  Then grad school happened and sucked all the fun out of reading.  And then I got Netflix because Ben had Netflix and Netflix is basically a black hole. It's so easy to just come home and veg out. But, I miss being a reader. So, I'm going to make myself into a reader again. Here's my stack of books I would like to have finished by spring break (I'm setting my goals low so I don't get discouraged by failing). I'm willing to take book suggestions for books to read after these are finished!