Don't Worry, Be Happy

Count it all joy.  Count it ALL joy.  Count it ALL JOY.

When your world falls apart, count it all joy.

When life is overflowing with lemons, count it all joy.

When you have no clue what your future holds (which is mildly terrifying), count it all joy!

This season of my life has been less than ideal.  Old Becky would have crashed and burned by now.  I am a worrier and a stresser.  I have never had more panic/anxiety attacks in my life as I've had the last few months.  Life gets real when you least expect it.  But I'm not supposed to worry.

Humans naturally want to be in control.  I want to be in control.  I am learning that I am really not even in close to being in control.  God has our path laid out for us and he will let us experience each twist and turn when it will benefit us the most.

I'm starting to get it.  His words are clicking into place far more than they ever have before.  I've had people who didn't even know that my life was in a spiral tell me how joyful and positive I've become.  He lets us know we're on the right path when we need it the most.  Because even in the midst of all this not great stuff in my life?  There is a whole lot of joy.  So much to be thankful for.  So much good.

If we live according to his plan, we let him be in control, we let go of the worries and doubts life is so much easier.  Nothing is so hard in this life that I can't conquer without God.  I just have to be willing to accept his help.  I have to realize that God is bigger than my worries.  He's bigger than my problems.  He doesn't want me to doubt his plan.  He wants my faith to be genuine and sure.

Bring it on future.

And the locusts came...

It started with my self worth.

Then they came for my marriage.

My financial security.

My home.

When the locusts come through, you have no idea what they will devour.

You begin to believe there will be nothing left.  And some days it sure feels like it.

I had gotten so comfortable living in the world that I forgot who was in charge.  It sure wasn't me.  My faith was a shamble.  Something I hid behind when it was convenient.

That's not what God wanted for my life.

At all.

I wish he didn't know I had to hit rock bottom to really figure things out. But, he knew what it would take for me to re-enter the fold.

I know some people don't get it. But then I tell them, "How else am I surviving this without crying on the couch every night?  Sending hateful messages to those who have hurt me? Not wanting any sort of revenge. Not being consumed by anger or the why me's. Going to work each day. Smiling. Living. Breathing."

I'm learning what grace really means.  And it's really good guys.  Really truly wonderfully good.

There is no turning back.  I was not meant to live life as the person I used to be.  Every day isn't easy.  Every day isn't sunshine and roses.  There are a lot of tears.  There's a lot of hurt.  But, there is more joy.  More healing than I could have ever expected.

It's going to be a while before life feels "normal" and I know now that I have to put in the effort.  Faith is a partnership.  The good thing is, I'm not the one calling the shots (scary at time- yes, but let's face it, I hate planning).  And those plans are going to be really good. Really really good.

To New Beginnings

A fresh start means a new space to write.  No pressure.  No expectations.  Here's to my new beginning!