At the Well

Through this whole divorce process, one of the things I seem to get hung up on the most is how people will perceive me.  The majority of people who hear I went through a divorce are supportive and offer kind words, but there will always be the people who choose to look at me differently or judge my situation.  Most people don't ask the reasons and it isn't information I offer up to just anybody.  Therefore, there are going to be people who believe what they want to believe.  Think what they want to think.  Things will be misunderstood.  It bugs me.  Sometimes I worry how it can affect my future carrying around the divorced label.

This week in my Bible study, we are reading John 4.  I did not expect to have an emotional breakdown in Target while on the phone to my mom relaying how this passage so hit me square in the heart.

Here's a woman going about her daily business.  A stranger approaches her and knows her life story.  The ugly truth of her love life.  It's a mess.  Definitely a bigger mess than my situation.  He spoke to her and she believed and he used her to spread the news.

He used her.  She had 5 marriages.  And a guy on the side.  And he didn't judge her.  He used to her further his kingdom, all because she believed.

Instead of focusing on what other people are going to think (and are those people whose opinion I should give any weight to in the first place?), I want to focus on the story God has given me to share.  A story that starts out as a bit of a downer, but turns into a story of redemption and grace.  A story I never thought I'd be able to tell, but one that I know is going to strengthen my testimony.  The people in John 4 believed that Christ had come because she had witnessed him speaking truths to her only the Messiah could know.  I've gone through the wringer and learned some truths of my own.

I think people, as a whole, get pretty wrapped up in the judging/being judged trap.

God has forgiven me the mistakes I've made.  I need to stop judging myself.  I need to turn away from all the negative self talk that leads to worry and focus on the future story that he is writing for me right this minute.  He is taking my weaknesses and turning them into my strengths.

I'm stepping up to the well.