It can start with something as small as a little comment. As a junior in college, I was approached by the mother of a girl I had gone to school with. Her comment upon realizing who I was, "Oh my. You finally started to get pretty!" I was not prepared to react to that other than a wide open jaw and a stammered, "Thanks?"
Now, my insecurities started long before this comment, but it didn't help the situation. Our tongues can be so harsh without us realizing it. "You're going to wear that?" "But your hair looks so nice when you wear it that other way" "You're going to leave the house without make up? Seriously?" We are so hard on ourselves. We internalize these things and as they bounce around inside our heads, they gain speed and cause destruction.
I thought losing weight would make me love myself more. If I could just sing better I'd like myself a little better. If I was just a little bit more artistic I would be more satisfied with who I was. If I had cheekbones I could actually learn to appreciate my looks.
That's all a bunch of lies. I have to love who I am on the inside (as cheesy as it sounds...). My heart needs to be beautiful and the rest will follow.
When I tear myself down, it is an insult to my maker. I am perfect in His eyes. Sometimes that can still be a hard pill to swallow. Especially on those days when you wake up with a fresh zit on your chin, your bangs did some kind of gymnastics in the night and will now be untameable despite your arsenal of hair products and styling tools, all your clothes decided to change shape just by hanging in your closet, and you just want to pull the covers back over your head.
God gave me what he gave me because that's what I needed. What I am meant to do in this world is all possible because of who I am already. Instead of wishing I looked a certain way or could do something better, I should be thankful for what I already have been given. Once I started being ok with myself, loving who I was on the inside, I began to appreciate people who possess what I don't have with a more loving heart. My friends who can sing like they belong with a record deal? I spend my time listening to them grateful to be able to do so rather than being sour grapes because I'm so so. Someone else is more fashionable than me? Use them as inspiration to figure out new ways to wear things I already have. No clue how to style my hair to make it look like I barely put any effort into it? Just be grateful I'm able to have a head full of hair at all. Wish I had better cheekbones? At least my nose is pretty awesome.
All this doesn't mean it's ok to not try to improve yourself either. If putting on a little make up makes me feel better about myself? It's ok. As long as I'm not putting on full face to mow the lawn. Want to try out a new hair color? Sure. Take voice lessons to get the most out of your vocalizer? I wish I had the courage. Your weight dragging you down (literally and figuratively? God wants us to be healthy - bust out the Richard Simmons!
Just know that instead of wanting more, needing more to be happy and feeling inadequate because of it will lead to an unfulfilled life. Work on your heart first and the rest with follow when it is most beneficial to you and your purpose.
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