This Wild and Precious Life: How divorce saved my life

This season of my life was never included in MY plans. You don't get married thinking well this will be great for X amount of years and then move on to the next thing. I do not take what is happening in my life lightly at all. But, God doesn't love when a person is prideful. Or boastful. And he certainly doesn't like it when we turn our backs on him and place things in our life before him. I was full of myself with little room left for him.

Then my marriage was gone.

I would have been so easy to start asking WHY ME? But God knew this was going to happen. That it needed to happen. Four days before my world fell apart, he gave me a Bible study group. I had been asked to join at least half a dozen time by my best friend and resisted. I did not know what my future held. I did not know what God was preparing me for, but for whatever reason I had in MY head of why I needed to go, I finally went. Some people may ask why a Bible study is so important. Part of it is the fellowship. Those ladies have carried me through some pretty emotional times, but the biggest thing it has done for me has opened up the Bible for me. It is how God speaks to us. I could have started the why me's, but he was already telling me before I could get there.

This verse just kept popping up. I knew it applied to my life, but I still wasn't sure what I was lacking. The funny thing is, when you ask God something, he generally finds a way to answer that question. God knows how to speak to us in exactly a way that we will understand. God knows I understand Mean Girls.

Miss Caroline craft seriously needed to pluck her eyebrows and her outfit looked like it was picked out by a blind Sunday school teacher and she had some 99 cent lip gloss on her snaggle tooth. And that's when I realized, making fun of Caroline Craft wouldn't stop her from beating me. Calling somebody fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't making you any smarter. Ruining Regina George's life definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.

I had become a mean girl in my own right because I was so unhappy in my life and didn't have a reason why. God used Mean Girls again when he told me I needed to suck the poison out of my life. I had to make some hard phone calls, have some not fun conversations with people I had hurt and who had hurt me. I had to let go of all that bitterness I was carrying around because I didn't want to live life as a mean girl anymore. I wanted to be Becky again.

I don't know if prior to this I had all that much character that was worth having. When you go through a major trial, there is no room for pride. With my pride stripped away, I was finally able to see my potential. Who I could be if I let someone else lead the way. Some days it is very hard to know that my future isn't in my hands. There is so much safety in the known, no matter how bad it might be for you. I chose to step away from my safety net and learned to be ok with not knowing where I'm headed.

Yes, I'm in the hallway right now. But each day that new door is getting closer and someday I will get to walk through it and it is going to be so much more amazing than I could have ever imagined. Going through divorce is far from fun. It is far from easy. It is so easy to compare yourself to Job some days when everything seems to be so wrong and so hard.