And the locusts came...

It started with my self worth.

Then they came for my marriage.

My financial security.

My home.

When the locusts come through, you have no idea what they will devour.

You begin to believe there will be nothing left.  And some days it sure feels like it.

I had gotten so comfortable living in the world that I forgot who was in charge.  It sure wasn't me.  My faith was a shamble.  Something I hid behind when it was convenient.

That's not what God wanted for my life.

At all.

I wish he didn't know I had to hit rock bottom to really figure things out. But, he knew what it would take for me to re-enter the fold.

I know some people don't get it. But then I tell them, "How else am I surviving this without crying on the couch every night?  Sending hateful messages to those who have hurt me? Not wanting any sort of revenge. Not being consumed by anger or the why me's. Going to work each day. Smiling. Living. Breathing."

I'm learning what grace really means.  And it's really good guys.  Really truly wonderfully good.

There is no turning back.  I was not meant to live life as the person I used to be.  Every day isn't easy.  Every day isn't sunshine and roses.  There are a lot of tears.  There's a lot of hurt.  But, there is more joy.  More healing than I could have ever expected.

It's going to be a while before life feels "normal" and I know now that I have to put in the effort.  Faith is a partnership.  The good thing is, I'm not the one calling the shots (scary at time- yes, but let's face it, I hate planning).  And those plans are going to be really good. Really really good.